Pages

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Emotions Are Up and Down for All of Us

Last night was an emotional night for Ian and Becca. Ian had some Chai Lifeline visitors and was having a great time looking at a photo book they brought over covering his 3 years at Camp Simcha Special. All of the sudden, he got this sad look on his face. He proceeded to tell us that he was not happy. As anyone would do, we asked why...his response was that he was scared of heaven. (This was not the 1st time he has expressed his fear, just the 1st time he has done it with others besides mommy and daddy). How do you answer that...when you know that you are scared as well....scared of what your world will be like once he's in heaven. Well you forget about your fears! The visitors sat there for a little bit and listened to me tell Ian that it was okay to be scared....that when the time was right he would not be scared of Heaven. Over the years, Brian and I have had a few conversations with both kids about this...I have had a few conversations with Tzvi Haber, one of the visitors who was there...so he knew where our family was going when this came up. I proceeded to tell Ian Heaven will be a big party. This is where Tzvi chimed in....he told Ian that when he gets to Heaven there will be a huge tunnel for him to run through on his own with his legs...because they will be working up in Heaven, just like at Camp Simcha. There will be lots of people waiting to welcome him at the end of the tunnel who will all be happy because being sad doesn't happen there. Ian will meet past campers and counselors from camp and one of them will have the microphone to introduce Ian, once that happens he will be a counselor not a camper anymore. Ian will meet Tzvi's Grandma Zina and tell her that Tzvi said many different things (some of which he shared last night but I will not post here). Ian began to smile as Tzvi was telling him all about Heaven and what he believes will happen there. Tzvi asked Ian if he would be waiting at the tunnel for Tzvi when he was ready to go to Heaven...Ian loved this. After about 20 minutes of discussing Heaven with Ian, Tzvi and Yitzi....Ian was no longer sad, at least for the moment. We know he will bring this up again from time to time as his journey continues and he progresses towards Heaven.

As for Becca, as she always does she called me when she was home from school yesterday. I asked her how her day was and she said, "ugh". Why just "ugh", I asked. She proceeded to tell me that her mind was just not there, while she was there, her mind was not...oh boy do I understand that. "Where was your mind?" I asked. She said a little bit here and a little bit there and on life...well when Becca says on life it is always about what is going on at home and all she has to endure due to the hand we have been dealt. She has seen things a 12 year old should not have to see, she has dealt with things a 12 year old should not have to deal with...and I know that much more is to come. I knew she could hear some of the conversations with Ian, so I went to check on her. She told me that people don't get what she is going through...I told her that is correct they don't. She said some people don't believe that she is a twin and when she shows them a photo, they just look at him like he is a normal boy and it is not big deal. I tried to explain to her that they can't understand but it does not matter what other believe or think. She asked what was wrong with Ian...I told her that he was talking about being afraid of Heaven. That is when she broke down. Becca said that she does not want to come home to an empty house (right now she comes home to Ian and a nurse everyday). I told her I could not promise that, (initially, I know when the times comes, Brian and I will do what we can to ensure that does not happen). All I could do was hold her while she cried on my shoulder knowing that one day she will lose her twin brother...I felt helpless. I told her that over the years we have all been grieving and this was just one more step for her. Becca told me she felt G-d was preparing her a little bit more because she felt that it was going to be soon...my heart dropped. I asked her soon meant to her and she said sometime this school year....ugh....what if my daughter is right.... we talked about how we will work on getting used to a new normal after Ian passes away...at first one we may not like but one we would eventually get used to. She cried on my shoulder a little bit more and then told me to go check on Ian.

As quick as these conversations, start in our home, they are over. Not forgotten, but we move on....this morning Ian was good. Becca had a rough time getting off to school...so we let her go in late and with a little bit of extra time she felt like she could handle the day. 

Please remember to treasure, dream and live. As another friend who is going through a major life crisis has been saying... Please, as always, hug your loved ones tight and kiss them often. 

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Allyson Dubin Simon Thinking of you all, always!

Jill Pelovitz Well written as usual but also honest and brave and generous. Thank you for sharing your journey Marci, the good and the difficult.

Jessica Woolf Dorsey Heartbreaking! From one twin to another, from one mom to another.
I feel for you guys! I need to come over and bring wine!

Debbi Heyman Stern Your strength is amazing and we are always thinking of you and your beautiful family!

Mindy Hammerman Lipsey So well written and thank you for sharing.

Julie Onnembo Hugs and prayers to you all.

Jessica Cornblatt You amaze me every time I read your blog. You are one of the strongest woman I know and your family is so blessed to have you as their wife, mother, sister, daughter, etc. I hope that by writing these thoughts down it helps you in your difficult journey. Miss seeing you guys. XOXO to all

Heather Schmidt Young *hugs* to all of you, since words really aren't sufficient.

Andrea Levine My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!!

Emily Michelson Levin You and your family are enduring things you "shouldn't have to" yet you continue support one another in so many amazing ways. Your openness and honesty with Becca and Ian will benefit them always. Know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Carolyn Hack Kaplan-Solomond sending hugs

Donna Lithgow Stollings Your family is amazing. "Sad doesn't happen in Heaven." I love that. I hope that picture is really inspiring for Ian. Sending lots of positive thoughts for all 4 of you. Xoxo

Anonymous said...

Jennifer Larsen Orlando Sending hugs to you all.

Karen Krantweiss Nudelman In awe of you... Tears rolling down my cheeks reading this post

Jay Weiner And Becca is absolutely right, as are you--nobody who has not been in this sort of situation can truly know, or fully understand, what any of the four of you are experiencing or have experienced. And Jill and others are right as well--thank you for sharing so openly and so often of what you all are experiencing on this journey toward your new normal.

Julie Berman Katz No word. Just hugs and love.

Laurie Fox Schimmel Becca is wise beyond her years. Thank you for sharing your journey! Xo

Annelise Sullivan Hugs all around the Scher family!

Charles R Hentz No words or I might cry.

Deborah-Jo Essrog Keeping you in my prayers.

Anita Spivak Rozenel Sending hugs and prayers to all of you, dear Marci.

Leslie Kapper Sands You truly are an amazing mom! Hugs and prayers always!

Keira Silberstein I have no words.... It's so sad that anyone should have to go through something like this. You do it with such grace. You and your family remain in my thoughts and prayers.

Robin Katcoff Again...I am just amazed by the Scher Family.

Stacy Berman Lunenfeld Always thinking of you all.

Karen Schmidt McClelland you are processing things in such a healthy way.

A Nicole Windover Happy 12 1/2 birthdays, BTW to the kids, Oct 22 xoxo.

Samantha Gitli Schaefer Hugs, love, and support for all of you.

Judy Schwartz How blessed your children are to have such a wise Mommy!

Sherie Bober Rubin No words. You are truly the strongest person/family I know

Anne Polakoff King Once again, you have touched the heart of all of us.

Tamara Jayne Flax Beautifully written - as always.

Michele Perry Zolezi Sending hugs and prayers. .xoxo

Melody Ballan Cooper God gave you Ian and Becca for a good reason. Prayers going to you and Brian

Paige Weinberg Schwartz You are always in our thoughts and prayers.

Debi Gersh Van Camp Xoxo

Vivian Chait Ian and Becca are so lucky to have you and Brian!

Barbara Paige I appreciate the rawness and insightful honesty you always share with us. Your love and communication as a family are inspiring. Sending wishes for peaceful days and laughter to balance the challenges.

Sherri Asher Sending hugs to you all, they are both so lucky to have you and Brian!!

Alicia Katznelson Broth Thank you for sharing all of these conflicting feelings with us. I learn so much from you. Wish I could give something back in return. {{{hugs}}}

Sally Weintraub Grobani I don't have the words to say. Know that all of you are always in my heart and prayers.

Leslie Remler Moss Sending happy thoughts. The Moss families certainly relate to the twins connection xo

Jennifer Paradise Baker Sending you a HUGE hug from Florida!

Thesha Lewis Sending hugs and keeping you all in our prayers..

Ruth Cohen Ross My heart goes out to all of you! Sending love.

Heather Troutner Scurti Prayers!

Merle Lemler Brenner What a beautiful explanation? Marci you are amazing.

Peter Degen-Portnoy My thoughts and heart are focused on you.

Kendra Bober Much love from all of us.

Jodi Postol said...

I absolutely love what Tzvi told Ian about heaven. And the question about being there to greet him was perfect. My heart breaks a little each time you post these kinds of updates but it also reminds me just how strong your family is. Love you all.