Wednesday, February 15, 2017

To piggyback off Marci’s post.....(BY Brian)

it got me thinking about some things.  With today being the 15th, yes it has been 5 months since we lost our little man.  However, if you go by the day of the week then 5 months is tomorrow.  But that’s not what I want to post about and what I was thinking about.  This is actually what I am thinking about that made me want to share.

September 15th, at 7am Ian was unfortunately pronounced dead.  To date, this is the most devastating thing in our lives so far.  As we have continued to say, we have known it was going to happen someday but no one can really EVER truly prepare themselves.  So everyone that knows us knows we made the best of almost every single day we had with Ian and as a family of 4.  True, we will always be a family of 4 but physically we are a family of only 3 now.

With today being the 15th, it will be exactly 5 months, to the day, since I last looked in to my sons eyes and told him I loved him.  Twenty-two weeks since I held his hand and him knowing I was holding his.  One hundred fifty-four days when I told him everything was going to be ok and if he needed to go then that was ok.  Three thousand six hundred ninety-six hours when I had my best buddy, my superhero, look at me and know I was there.

Not a day, not a minute, not even a second goes by that I don’t miss that little guy.  I may not mention him every day all day but it’s there.  I can feel it.  I feel it right now.  I feel it when I don’t expect it.  I see something as I’m driving in my car and my heart just starts to race.  I see him that morning when I close my eyes to go to sleep.  I keep being told this is all normal and that it will change.  There is no time frame for grieving.  I believe that, I really do but what IS hard for me to believe at times is that our precious boy, our amazing son and everyones superhero is really truly gone. 

This world has lost a really REALLY amazing person in Ian.  Our loss is certainly heavens gain.  Just wish we could see what he would have become in life.  But I think I already know.  He was such a kind, caring and loving individual that there is no way that could have or would have changed in him.  He loved everyone and everything and everyone and everything loved him.  

Even though Brian wrote feelings and emotions are the same as his....

Remember Me

I found this poem on a website but don't remember which one....however I wanted to share as today marks 5 months since Ian has passed.

Remember Me

To the living, I am gone,
To the sorrowful, I will never return,
To the angry, I was cheated,
But to the happy, I am at peace,
And to the faithful, I have never left.

I cannot speak, but I can listen.
I cannot be seen, but I can be heard.
So as you stand upon a shore gazing at a beautiful sea,
As you look, upon a flower and admire its simplicity,
Remember me.

Remember me in your heart:
Your thoughts, and your memories,
Of the times we loved,
The times we cried,
The times we fought,
The times we laughed.
For if you always think of me, I will never have gone.

This photo was take approximately 2 weeks before Ian passed away at a friend Bar Mitzvah.

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

In Honor of Ian's Memory - by Wyatt Sherman

Dear friends and family,

I am writing to you because I know I can count on you to help me raise money for my bar mitzvah project. 

Camp Simcha Special is a summer camp run by Chai Lifeline that enables over 250 children with special needs to experience summer camp life.

Every year, Camp Simcha launches the new summer season with an Opening Day celebration. During Opening Day, the kids are individually escorted through a tunnel and are greeted by the entire camp staff dressed up in costumes. A DJ and other fanfare creates an exciting environment for the campers.

My cousin Ian Scher was a camper at Camp Simcha . Ian suffered from an extremely rare degenerative disease that was a mutation on the VRK-1 gene. Although he was unable to move his body, Ian kept his fun loving attitude.

Ian especially loved the Opening Day entrance . His parents explained to me that watching him reminded them of when Charlie opened the door to the chocolate factory. When Ian got to the other side of the tunnel he felt like he could do anything he wanted. He was a fun loving kid at a sleep away camp who couldn't wait for his parents to leave, so he could start having fun.

Ultimately, Ian lost his battle with the disease September 15, 2016.
To honor his memory, I am raising money to donate to Camp Simcha to sponsor their Opening Day festivities.
Therefore, I am asking you to donate to this worthy cause.
Thank you- Wyatt Sherman

Please visit my personal page 

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Me Too & Just Teens

Over the years, especially since Ian has passed away, Becca has been asking to met others like her...other siblings who are going through what she has, having a sibling who has a disease like Ian's. Well given how rare his disease is, we could not find anything like that...after he passed away she expressed the desire to meet other kids who had lost a sibling, again not an easy task. I put many feelers out while looking high and low on the internet. I came across a group called Compassionate Friends, a support group for those who have lost a child or a sibling. I thought great a place for all of us to go. After speaking with the facilitator of the local chapter, we determine that Becca was too young to go to one of the meetings. I then came across Me Too & Just Teens through Stella Maris. A retreat for kids 5-17 who have experiences a loss. According to their website, Me Too & Just Teens is a one-day retreat designed to help grieving children and teens learn ways to explore their grief through innovative techniques in a safe, therapeutic environment. I was hooked....signed her up and waited the 2 months for February 4th to arrive.

Brian and I dropped her off unsure if there would be anyone else who lost a sibling, we told Becca before that the loss could be a parent, grandparent, sibling, or anyone the child or teen lost. There was a brief introductory for kids and parents together, we found out then there were a few who had lost parents, grandparents and sibling (she was the only one). The hope was that it did not matter who lost who, just that she knew she was not alone in her grief, other teens had experienced a lost and they could relate to each other. After the introduction, the kids were separated into kids and teen groups, the parents and caregivers were pulled aside so one of the counselors could go over the day with us. We were also given a handout on grief in children. The counselor informed us there are 7 steps to remember in a child's grieving process:
(1) children need to be informed to make sense of the reality of the loss; (2) children need to experience and feel the pain of the loss; (3) children need time and space to express their sorrow through tears, talking, art and play; (4) children need to identify and express their range of feelings; (5) children need to know why others are sad and why they themselves are feeling sad; truth and understanding bring clarity; (6) children need to remember, revisit, review and relinquish their loss at each developmental stage of life, to the extent that their current understanding of loss allows; (7) children need to participate in rituals of remembering as a healing tool. Communication, information and a safe, supportive environment provide children the time to absorb the loss and reconstruct their new world. Grief is unique to each child, and the time for integration of loss is theirs alone.

At pick up, the kids and parents were back together where we got a feel for how the day went...most of the kids had smiles on their faces and were happy to be there. The counselor stated the retreat is done 4 times a year as well as there is an overnight camp at the end of April. Becca is excited to go to the overnight camp as well as another retreat. After the 5 hour retreat was over, we talked about the day...of course only what she would share. As she said they were only allowed to share what they talked about not what other teens talked about. Becca told us the morning started off with a icebreaker. Then it moved on to one of the hard parts, each child got to share their story...she said that was the hardest part of her and when she cried the most. By the time everyone was done sharing their story, lunch was had. After lunch, the counselors had them go through a meditation and explained meditation can be helpful with anxiety, grief, sadness, etc. She said the breathing helps to calm those feelings. In addition, they did some playing in sand (I'm unsure why as Becca didn't go into those details and we weren't going to force her). And then a coloring/drawling project. Becca showed us hers and what stood out to me was the slogan she put on it..."I love you to the moon and back".  She told us that the day was hard but knowing there were other teens who had lost like her was good.

There are no words...knowing we were able to find comfort for her while she is grieving is a relief.