Over the last few weeks I have been doing more reading on grief...the reading helps me to realize more and more that I have been grieving for quite a while and it comes and goes for me. The Grief Club: The Secret to Getting Through All Kinds of Change by Melody Beattie has helped me to realize that grief comes in all shapes and sizes. Here are some quotes from the book which I have found interesting. I hope you do as well...
If there's no purpose to it, loss feels impossible to endure. But if we see some meaning, bring the struggle on.
...understand that sometimes life twists, and it doesn't matter what you do. Things don't work out the way you want, and you can't do much about it. The only way out is through.
...every stinking dirty little thing that happens to us happens for a reason. I take each day as it comes. Each experience has something to teach us. It's our job to figure out what that lesson is.
Destiny is sneaky. It creeps up on us when we're not looking. Sometimes were staring at our problems so hard we forget they're part of our destiny too. We might forget our dreams, but our dreams don't forget us. Dreams are life's way of showing us what our destiny is.
Meaning is important. Certain things such as religious objects or holidays have universal meaning. En masse, we agree that something means a particular thing. But the meaning we attach to life events is personal. It doesn't matter if something means anything to anyone else. What matters is what an event or experience means to us. We can go through horrendous struggles if there's meaning to what we endure.
We each have a magic wand that can change us and impact the world. It's called our power. People say we own our power, but power isn't something we own. It's something we step into, grow into, breathe into. Power is a force in the universe we align with. We don't pick it up like a club. We can write and rewrite stories that create self-esteem and the knowledge that we are loved. Even in worse-case scenarios where we weren't loved or we lost our self-esteem, we can write a new story or another ending.
Many grieving people go through a cycle when they have nothing--no energy, attention, or love--to give anyone in their lives. That doesn't mean they don't love those people. It means they're depleted. There's nothing left to give. Intellectually, they know they should do different and better. But they're only human, and their humanity shows. Sometimes we need to accept and forgive others and ourselves because our best wasn't very good. Sometimes we go crazy--insane--with grief. If we wait for life to entice us into living, coax us into believing I it again, we may wait a long time. Making a commitment to life starts the ball rolling. We'll still have more grief to go through, more emotions to feel. But when we commit to life, we stop the downward spiral. Pieces start falling into place.
Until next time...remember to treasure, dream and live.