All the what if's

This weekend I have the pleasure of attending a dear friends daughters Bat Mitzvah. I was sitting in the back of the sanctuary during the service, so were all the kids. Seeing the 12/13 year old boys...got me thinking. What would Ian be like if there was no VRK1? What would his voice sound like? How tall would he be? Who would his friends be?  How mischievous would be? So many what if's...

Some days, the what if's don't even enter my mind. Ian is Ian and I am grateful for him and all he has become. He has taught us so much over his 13 years, and I know he will continue to teach us with whatever time he has left.  I have realized to not worry about the things which we have no control of but to focus on what we do have control of and make a difference with those things. I, usually, don't take things or people for granted. We have tried to teach Becca the same, although I don't think she is there yet, I have faith that as she continues to grow she will get there.

Some days the what if's are all over the place and in my face. There is no way to make them go away, and my mind just wonders and wonders. From reading Facebook post or other blogs of other parents who have already lost their beloved children, I know they will always be there. Once he is gone, I'm sure as each milestone comes the what if's will as well.

Sitting in the back of the sanctuary on Shabbat, the what if's entered my mind for a period of time...but before I knew it they were gone and I was thankful for who my family is.

Always remember to treasure, dream and live!