Monday, May 30, 2016

All the what if's

This weekend I have the pleasure of attending a dear friends daughters Bat Mitzvah. I was sitting in the back of the sanctuary during the service, so were all the kids. Seeing the 12/13 year old me thinking. What would Ian be like if there was no VRK1? What would his voice sound like? How tall would he be? Who would his friends be?  How mischievous would be? So many what if's...

Some days, the what if's don't even enter my mind. Ian is Ian and I am grateful for him and all he has become. He has taught us so much over his 13 years, and I know he will continue to teach us with whatever time he has left.  I have realized to not worry about the things which we have no control of but to focus on what we do have control of and make a difference with those things. I, usually, don't take things or people for granted. We have tried to teach Becca the same, although I don't think she is there yet, I have faith that as she continues to grow she will get there.

Some days the what if's are all over the place and in my face. There is no way to make them go away, and my mind just wonders and wonders. From reading Facebook post or other blogs of other parents who have already lost their beloved children, I know they will always be there. Once he is gone, I'm sure as each milestone comes the what if's will as well.

Sitting in the back of the sanctuary on Shabbat, the what if's entered my mind for a period of time...but before I knew it they were gone and I was thankful for who my family is.

Always remember to treasure, dream and live!


Anonymous said...

Erika Agetstein Buchdahl

Daean Menke
Wow Marci! Spot on! 💜 to all of you.

Anonymous said...

Rachel Solomon Teles
I hear you...

Marlene Ettlin

Susan Weinberg Lewis
I understand 😘

Connie Rosenthal Berman
Sending love~ 😘

Anonymous said...

Jill Pelovitz
Where I wish you were not living this I am grateful for your honestly. The "what ifs" creep in all of the time for me as well. Our lives would be completely different. Sometimes I long for that "normal" but I love my daughter and I also accept the challenge and the calling to do what I have been asked to do. It is so refreshing to know there are others who experience this and that the random moments are more common than I realized. Thank you again for sharing your journey; you have helped so many other families. Your family is in my prayers and in the hearts of everyone you have reached. You amaze me with your grace and your strength.

Anne Polakoff King
Always inspiring....