it got me thinking about some things. With today being the 15th, yes it has been 5 months since we lost our little man. However, if you go by the day of the week then 5 months is tomorrow. But that’s not what I want to post about and what I was thinking about. This is actually what I am thinking about that made me want to share.
September 15th, at 7am Ian was unfortunately pronounced dead. To date, this is the most devastating thing in our lives so far. As we have continued to say, we have known it was going to happen someday but no one can really EVER truly prepare themselves. So everyone that knows us knows we made the best of almost every single day we had with Ian and as a family of 4. True, we will always be a family of 4 but physically we are a family of only 3 now.
With today being the 15th, it will be exactly 5 months, to the day, since I last looked in to my sons eyes and told him I loved him. Twenty-two weeks since I held his hand and him knowing I was holding his. One hundred fifty-four days when I told him everything was going to be ok and if he needed to go then that was ok. Three thousand six hundred ninety-six hours when I had my best buddy, my superhero, look at me and know I was there.
Not a day, not a minute, not even a second goes by that I don’t miss that little guy. I may not mention him every day all day but it’s there. I can feel it. I feel it right now. I feel it when I don’t expect it. I see something as I’m driving in my car and my heart just starts to race. I see him that morning when I close my eyes to go to sleep. I keep being told this is all normal and that it will change. There is no time frame for grieving. I believe that, I really do but what IS hard for me to believe at times is that our precious boy, our amazing son and everyones superhero is really truly gone.
This world has lost a really REALLY amazing person in Ian. Our loss is certainly heavens gain. Just wish we could see what he would have become in life. But I think I already know. He was such a kind, caring and loving individual that there is no way that could have or would have changed in him. He loved everyone and everything and everyone and everything loved him.
Even though Brian wrote this....my feelings and emotions are the same as his....