Visiting Ian
Sunday, October 16th, was the 1st day we were "allowed" to go visit Ian. According to Jewish laws, you are supposed to wait until 30 days have passed. So the 3 of us went.
I had mixed feelings about going before, during and afterwards. I am not sure I was ready but then again when would I be ready to go visit my son's grave...it is not the way it is supposed to be. The car ride was quiet, just the music could be heard. It didn't take us as long to get there as I thought it would take, I have been to Beth El many times to visit other relatives, so not sure why I thought it would take that long. Seeing his name on the plaque was hard, knowing that my son was in the grave was hard but knowing I have someplace to go visit him was good, knowing I have someplace I can talk to him was good (I know I can talk to him in other places as well). I hope he is happy under his tree, after all, Ian never liked being in the sun much. I am not sure if I found peace, not sure what I found...maybe it is still just to early in this horrible process that is becoming our "new normal". It was good to be able to go, even though I don't know what I got from it...at this point.
I know we will be back to visit him often.
I had mixed feelings about going before, during and afterwards. I am not sure I was ready but then again when would I be ready to go visit my son's grave...it is not the way it is supposed to be. The car ride was quiet, just the music could be heard. It didn't take us as long to get there as I thought it would take, I have been to Beth El many times to visit other relatives, so not sure why I thought it would take that long. Seeing his name on the plaque was hard, knowing that my son was in the grave was hard but knowing I have someplace to go visit him was good, knowing I have someplace I can talk to him was good (I know I can talk to him in other places as well). I hope he is happy under his tree, after all, Ian never liked being in the sun much. I am not sure if I found peace, not sure what I found...maybe it is still just to early in this horrible process that is becoming our "new normal". It was good to be able to go, even though I don't know what I got from it...at this point.
I know we will be back to visit him often.
Lauren Agetstein As long as he knows you were there to visit him which is what you got out of it too. He takes great comfort in knowing you will come often to see him. If you got nothing else out of it than him knowing you came to see him. That is good enough.
ReplyDeleteJill Pelovitz You are traveling through uncharted waters for not only yourself but for many others with whom you share your journey. I love the things you said about having a place to visit Ian. Your honesty is beautiful and his memory truly lives on.
Barbara Pozen Cooper I want to call just don't know when. If you are up late into the night, still early for us here. Love you!
Barbara Paige i understand, i have similar feelings about visiting my dad❤