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Waiting For an Apology That Will Never Come

By Nina Badzin

I used to have the right idea for Yom Kippur. I liked the notion of an entire month to clean up my messes from the past year, and I worked hard to deliver carefully worded apologies. The promise of a clean slate appealed to my resolution -- making personality. And I appreciated the fact that the obligation to make life improvements deeper than, say, eating better, differentiated the Jewish New Year from the secular one. I was a High Holiday super fan.

Certainly the time I've wasted going over the same details and telling myself that I'm justified in my point of view has added nothing positive to my life. Nevertheless, it's hard to forgive someone who cannot shoulder any blame. Thinking that perhaps a woman would better understand my need to obsess a bit this year, I asked my friend (and fellow Kveller) Rebecca Einstein Schorr, a Reform rabbi, to advise me as if I were a congregant. I gave her the same spiel. "How can I move forward in a relationship whe…