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Showing posts from August, 2018

The Dash

Over the years and being at many funerals, unfortunately, I have heard this poem many times. It holds true over and over. So I decided to share it.

I read of a man who stood to speak at a funeral of a friend. He referred to the dates on the tombstone from the beginning...to the end. 

He noted that first came the date of birth and spoke of the following date with tears, but said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years.

For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth. 

For it matters not, how much we own, the cars...the house...the cash. What matters is how we lived and loved and how we spend our dash.

So think about this long and hard: are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.

To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more and love the people in our lives like we've never loved before. 
If we treat each other…

7 Thoughts About Life From Aretha Franklin (That Will Change Your Life)

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Known as the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin died on August 16th at 9:50am at her home in Detroit surrounded by family and friends. She was 76. According to a family statement, the "official cause of death was due to advanced pancreatic cancer of the neuroendocrine type, which was confirmed by Franklin's oncologist, Dr. Philip Phillips of Karmamos Cancer Institute in Detroit."

Aretha started singing gospel music as a child at New Bethel Baptist Church in Detroit, where her father, C. L. Franklin, was minister. In 1960, at the age of 18, she began recording for Columbia Records but didn't get the breakthrough she needed as an artist. After singing to Atlantic Records in 1967, Frankln achieved major success with some of her most famous songs such as "Respect", "(You Make Me Feel Like) A Natural Woman", "Spanish Harlem" and "Think".
Fans of Franklin left flowers and a crown on her Hollywood Walk of Fame star in Los Angeles to honor h…

Amazing Horseback Riding

She completely amazes me. I NEVER would be able to do this, 9 jumps... Becca has come a long way in her horseback riding since starting approximately 3 years ago. The barn is one of her happy places. She is becoming more and more comfortable on a horse.




My Grief Wishlist (for the loss of any loved one)

As Ian's 2nd Yarzehit passed and the anniversary of September 15th, is right around the corner, I came across a version of this on Facebook. I think you can change my child to spouse, parent, sibling, grandparent, even friend. If you have been through grief, you will relate to this. If you are going through it, you will relate. If you have never been through this type of grief, keep this handy...it may help you one day. I wish my child hadn't died. I wish I had him back. I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child's name. My child lived and was very important to me. I need to hear he was important to you also. If I cry or get emotional when you talk about my child, I wish you knew it isn't because you hurt me. My child's death is the cause of my tears. You have talked about my child, and you have allowed me to share my grief. I thank you for both. I wish you wouldn't "kill" me again by removing his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances from…

When Tape and Glue Aren't Enough

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When tape and glue aren't enough to fix the broken parts...breath...it's ok...eventually.
How appropriate for me to see this Instagram yesterday. To top it off, it was posted by a fabulous grief therapist. Tonight at sunset, into Thursday, August 23rd, the 12 of Elul at sunset,  is Ian's 2nd Yahrzeit. The Yahrzerit commemorates the anniversary of the date of death and is observed annually, in accordance with the Hebrew calendar. The Yahrzerit commences on the preceding day at sunset and is concluded on the anniversary day of death at sunset. During the Yahrzerit, a candle may be lit to burn for one day. Mourner's Kaddish is recited in the synagogue during services, and contributions to a charity in memory of a loved one are often made on the occasion of a Yahrzerit
Tape, glue, well, actually, any kind of adhesive will fix the broken parts. There have been many times over the last two years, heck for that matter, over the last fifteen years, when I have had to take a …

Strength Thru Brian's Eyes

For about the past 8 months, I have taking a kick boxing class to actually get some exercise and most of the time I look forward to going. But just like anything else there are moments when I get home from work and the motivation or energy to go is not there. I really do enjoy the classes because it helps not only to get exercise but at times allows me to work out any frustrations, anger or anything else while punching and kicking a bag for an hour.
Anyway, along the walls there are these sayings to give a person motivation and such. My favorite saying is, 'Strength....comes from your spirit and souls...not from your muscles.'  Now I know this is a motivational saying in a gym but I look at it another way personally.As Marci, Becca and myself rapidly approach the 2nd anniversary of Ian's passing I constantly look and read this saying numerous times during my kickboxing classes.  The saying gets me to think of what Ian wants for me. The reason he always said over the years t…

Childhood Grief: The Influence of Age on Understanding

Age has a large influence on childhood grief and how children understand and react to the death of a family member, friend, pet, or close adult. It is good to know where a child is likely to fall developmentally. This will help you to better understand how they view the loss and will help you up make age appropriate choices about language and interventions.

Of course age won't help you predict exactly how a child will react, other factors will have an impact as well. Maturity, past experiences, education level, socio-economic status, what part of the world you live in, and access to support resources are merely a few of the many factors that influence us all.
We advice with children of any age or background you should do the following: 1. Acknowledge their presence, their importance, their opinions, thoughts, and feelings.  2. Be patient and open minded. Allow them to grieve in their own way. 3. Be available - sit with the child, listen to them, and answer their questions.  4. Rea…

Why Should It Matter How

On Thursday morning, an accident in our area, took the lives of 2 of the 4 teenagers in the car. According to reports, 3 of the 4 kids were from Franklin High School, our local high school and where Becca goes. The teens who passed were 18 and 15. The 18 year old just graduated high school and the 15 year old is in Becca's grade. At 1:30ish in the afternoon, I got a text message from a friend asking if I had heard about the fatal accident. I hadn't heard yet, but one look on Facebook and there was no missing it. It was all over Facebook and the names of the kids were just hitting the public. Over the next few hours, more and more comments were showing up on Facebook and Instagram. In addition, an email from the principal was hitting the inboxes of the parents of the high school. The community was shocked and heartbroken. I began to hear and read some very supportive and compassionate messages to the families. Not all of the comments on social media were supportive or compassio…