Showing posts with the label live

Higher Power and Kintsugi

The house is quiet. Everyone is still asleep; even the dog has gone back to bed after doing her thing. Me, I've been up for over an hour, since 7:00 AM. I don't "sleep in" anymore. It has been quite sometime since I've "slept in". 
For year's, at least 4 or 5, we have brunch with our friend, Freda-Dale. Last night she mentioned she would get up around 10:00 AM, since we were due to arrive at 11:00 AM. Me I said, would be up by 7:00 AM. I continued to tell her that I just can't seem to sleep in any more, I'm usually up by 7:00 AM. And today was no different. Now, sitting here, in the stillness of our home, I realize 7:00 AM; I'm almost always up by 7:00 AM. Time of death 7:00 AM. Does it mean anything? Do I just happened to wake at 7:00 AM? Honestly, I have no idea. And until now I never really thought about the time meaning anything. Maybe it's a sign. Maybe it's Ian's way of saying good morning to me each and every day. Or ma…

How the fear of dying taught me how to live
It started with a headache. A headache that lasted 4 days.

A headache that no medication, coffee, hot shower, cold shower, nor amount of sleep could subdue. I called my doctor.

"You've had headaches before. This is no cause for concern," he said.

And then, in the middle of the popped.

As sudden as the headache had come, it was gone. I felt or heard a "pop" in my head that woke me from my sleep, followed by a warm sensation rushing through my brain. A friend had recently lost her mother to a brain aneurysm. I thought, "This is it," as I shook my husband awake and frantically called 911.

I sat on the carpet in our hallway, rocking back and forth while clutching my knees as I waiting for the ambulance. I distantly heard the dispatcher's voice in my ear as I asked my husband to turn on his video camera.

I heard my daughter crying in her crib as I repeated over and over, "She will never remember me," and began a…