Comfortably Numb

This past Friday evening the world lost a one of a kind man, my brother-in-law's father passed away suddenly. I have gone through a mix of emotions over the past few days, some I have gone through when others close to me have passed while others I have not. When I got to the funeral, I wondered "how I am able to do this"....I have done it more times then I would like to acknowledge through out my years. When I hear someone has passed away, I feel numb, heartless as my thoughts sometimes go to "such is life", I feel as if I don't feel for the loss, not sure I can. I have been to Sol Levinson's more times then I would like to acknowledge over the past few years....each time I walk in I ask myself "How can I be doing this?". More times then not, I envision me sitting in the front row with Brian and Becca, along with our parents, siblings,  nieces and nephews. Sometimes when I am driving I wonder what life will be like, as Ian continues to process, as dying comes closer. What will that day be like, the following day, the funeral, the Shiva period, the days, weeks, months and years afterwards. All the while, my heart hurts and feels numb but at the same time smiles...pain will be there but how... Smiles and laughs will happen even with the pain. I know....no I am not trying to rush things but I know peace will come for all of us. I hope that for all of those times I have been to Sol Levinson's in the past, peace has come for those who have lost.