10 weeks, Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is 10 weeks since Ian has found peace. The past few weeks have been a struggle for me, since the Las Vegas Rock n Roll Marathon. Physically the 10k was good, pretty easy actually. Emotionally, I was a mess...what started out to be in honor of Ian turned into in memory of Ian. I know he was with us while we were walking, helping to make it easier. At Chai Lifeline's pasta party, they had a video of some Chai Lifeline kid and where they are now....a little bit of what they went through and what Chai Lifeline did for them, what makes them family and so great at what they do. With some ups and downs, we made it through the weekend with the help of our friends, Scot and Connie.

Next came turning in the paperwork for Ian's footstone. Seeing it in writing, was hard, difficult and heartbreaking. 

Now comes tomorrow, 10 weeks and Thanksgiving day, knowing it was coming....stunk. I have tried to think of things I'm grateful for as I know there are plenty....but missing my little man and the hard time I've been having is over shadowing that. I know Ian would want us to be spending time with family enjoying each other so that is what we are doing. Many times I feel empty inside. I have been getting out and trying to enjoy myself, sometimes I do a better job then other times.  I'm even having a hard time sitting here writing this because my emotions are all over the place, some empty and some full. At times, it has gotten harder instead of easier. I'm assuming this is "normal".

I am grateful for my family, friends and our village. I'm grateful for the wonderful 13 years Ian gave us. I try to remember these things every day. Not just on Thanksgiving.