Without Ian

Many things have come and gone since September 15, 2016. The Jewish High Holy Days, our anniversary, Brian's birthday, plus more...and now we are in the middle of Hanukkah. All hard days. We have taken all of them as they come. As people say the first of everything is the hardest, and since we are still amongst the first all I can say is they have sucked. 

Becca, Brian and I just got back from a cruise to Cozumel. It was nice to be away but emotionally hard with ups and downs. We all had our ups and downs and did a good job of sharing with each other. Being on vacation without Ian was hard...thinking that he should be with us. Trying not to feel guilty about having a good time, but realizing that our feelings are real. We went snorkeling in three different reefs and it was very relaxing, seeing the fish swimming around did make me think of my fish (Ian loved to swim). We had two days at sea, laying at the pool was hard some of the time, my mind kept going back to the Thursday Ian passed....I let myself have those feelings as I am hoping they will help me with the grief process. Sitting in the dinning room for dinner had its good and bad, we had some good laughs with Becca but also seeing the empty chair was hard. Isaac did make his appearance on the ship for the the 1st two night of Hanukkah and wanted to be a part of towel animals. 

We also had family photos taken on the ship, that was something we struggled with having done but decided we needed to have memories of our cruise. I didn't want to regret not having them.  I did buy shirts from Global Genes, Care About Rare for us to wear for them...

After the cruise, we went to spend some time with Nana and Poppop (Brian's parents) in Flordia. Low key. We went for a nature walk, got caught in the rain and saw a rainbow.  Plus we saw an alligator eating a turtle...

More trouble by Isaac...

Chai Lifeline set up a Yacht ride for us....so relaxing and calming...

It was beyond...the views were spectular. Becca loved it....thanks Chai Lifeline. 

Our time away has come to an end...but doing things without Ian has not, unfortunately...we continue to each grieve in our own way, taking everything one day and moment at a time.