Yizkor

Growing up Yizkor was something I knew very little about. What I did know is that it was a service on Yom Kippur my parents had to be at in order to recite it for their relatives who had passed away, primarily their parents. As soon as the Rabbi mentioned Yizkor, all of those who did not have a loved one who had passed, left the sancuary to hang out in the lobby to  talk and catch up with those we hadn't seen in a while. When Yizkor was over, my parents came out of the sancuary and went home. Others stayed in the sancuary and continued with services. As a child, teenager, young adult, even older adult, I was always happy to leave the sancuary and hang in the lobby.

Never in a million years did I imagine I would be starting to say Yizkor at the age of 44 for my child? As the normal life cycle goes, I would have expected to have started Yizkor for my parents, my sister or husband. But never did I think I would be saying Yizkor for my child or that my other child, as a teenager, would be inside the sanctury with me instead of outside in the lobby chatting with her friends. I remember the first time we were in the sanctury for Yizkor, it was just 28 days after Ian passed away, October 12, 2016. My hands were sweaty as I held onto both Brian and Becca's hands, I was afraid to let them go. My heart was racing as I had no idea what to expect. My grief was still so raw. I listened as best as I could and then came the time for the Rabbi to read the names of those members who had passed that year. Ian Alexander Scher was on that list and it cut deep, extremely deep into my heart. Yizkor was over and we quietly walked out of the sanctuary to head home. The second time I experienced Yizkor was on Yom Kippur 2017. I remember more of the Rabbi's sermon from that day. She spoke about the empty chair in the room, that the empty chair was sitting across from you, that you were able to talk to the person who was supposed to be sitting in that empty chair. My heart began to race and the tears rolled down my checks. We finished Yizkor and quietly walked out of the sanctuary to head home. Yom Kippur is the only time during the year when Yizkor is recited that we go to services for it. The other times Yizkor is recited, we say the prayers at home, while lighting the memorial candle. So far for us this has worked, for me I don't have to be in the sanctuary to recite Yizkor. Last night, Brian and I stood in front of the memorial candle reciting the prayers, our hearts breaking, and missing and loving our son.

Yizkor is the Jewish memorial service recited four times a year by the congregation during the holiday service.

Jewish mourning is both private and public. When we visit a grave or observe a yahrzeit [the anniversary of a person's death], we generally do so in private. Yizkor is the public observance for the community of bereaved.

Yizkor means...["may (God) remember,"] from the root word zakhor-remember. It is the memorial service, recited four times a year in the synagogue-after the Torah reading on Yom Kippur day, Shemini Atzeret (the holiday adjacent to the end of Sukkot), the eighth day of Passover, and the second day of Shavuot [in Israel, on the combined Simchat Torah/Shemini Atzeret, the seventh day of Passover, and on the only day of Shavuot].

Originally, Yizkor was recited only on Yom Kippur. Its primary purpose was to remember the deceased by committing tzedakah [charity] funds on the theory that the good deeds of the survivors elevate the souls of the departed.

Since the Torah reading on the last day of the pilgrimage festivals [the holidays of Sukkot, Passover, and Shavuot, when the ancient Israelites made a pilgrimage to Jerusalem] mentions the importance of donations, Yizkor was addes to these holiday services. It was...the custom [in medieval Germany (Rhinelans)] for each community to read a list of its martyrs [from Yizkor Books] at the Yizkor service. The practice was eventually expanded to include the names of other members of the community who had died. Today, most synagogues publish lists of those who are remembered by congregants, which are distributed at the Yizkor services. In addition, the lights on all the memorial tablets in the synagogue are turned on.

The four parts of Yizkor

1. A series of readings and prayers, recited and chanted, that sets the mood for the solemn service.
2. Paragraphs that individuals read [silently] recalling the deceased. There are paragraphs for a father, mother, husband, wife, son, daughter, other family relatives and friends, and Jewish martyrs. During the service, each person reads the appropriate paragraph(s).
3. The memorial prayer for the deceased, the El Male Rahamim [God full of compassion] is chanted by the cantor. This is essentially the same prayer said at Jewish funerals.
4. A special prayer, Av HaRahamin (Ancestor of Mercies), probably composed as a eulogy for communities destroyed in the Crusades of 1096, is recited by the congregation as a memorial for all Jewish martyrs. Some also add Psalm 23.

Although in its traditional structure Yizkor does not include the recitation of the Mourner's Kaddish [the memorial prayer in praise of God], many congregations do add this as the climax of the Yizkor service.

From www.myjewishlearning.com