Does My Grief Make You Uncomfortable? Me Too.

Does my grief make you uncomfortable? Me too!

On a daily basis, without the option of unfollowing it, ignoring it, avoiding it without a second thought. It's part of my everyday life. Every minute, every hour, every moment. My grief that is because of my love for my child, is always there.

I don't bring up my son to make you squirm. I don't bring him up for your sympathy, or maybe some days I do because this is heavy. My heart is heavier than most.

I talk about him, I include him because he's my child. It's as simple as that. I carried him. I gave birth to him, I held him, I sang to him, I loved him, and I will always love him because he's a part of my very being.

I don't ignore that he existed. I can't pretend that I didn't once have another child in my arms. I won't stop talking about him or including him in our reality. This is my life. It's who I am now.

I'm sorry if that makes you sad. If it makes you uncomfortable. If the thought of it makes you cringe, is too much for you, is something you just cannot deal with. Because, although it may be hard for you to hear about, this is my reality. This is my life. It's who I am now.

So, sit with me. Talk to me. Ask me how I'm doing on birthdays and holidays. Say his name. Ian. Ian Alexander.

My grief, child loss, isn't something you can catch. It's not a virus, a disease. It's not a dirty subject to avoid. It's not a reason to stop being my friend, it's a reason to dig your feet into the ground and be a better friend. To show you care, to love me even at my worst. Because thankfully you don't and hopefully never will understand what I've been through and why I can never go back to who I once was. Why I never want to. Why there will always be the before Ian and after Ian line in my life. Why just hearing his sweet name is so precious to my grieving heart.

So, the next time I talk about him, please rather than offering advice just let me be. Tell me your sorry. Let me know you care, that you too wish he was here with us. Be the friend I so desperately need on days when my heart is overwhelmed. Honor him by speaking his name, honor our friendship by not avoiding my grief but embracing me for who I am now. A mother who has a little boy in heaven. But still his mother just the same.

From www.stillstandingmag.com