He Lived Life Big...Rest Easy

Diagnosed with kidney cancer approximately 12-years ago with a 5-year-relative survival rate. For the past 10-years, it has been stage 4.  You fought. You lived those years the same way you lived the years before...big. You loved family and friends more than anything and in your own way made sure they knew it, just as family and friends loved you. The last few months were hard for many, especially you and those close. We all knew the end was near. Back on June 9, 2019, I published the post "Keep Your Eye On The Ball". I didn't use your name but I know those close knew it was you, beloved husband, father, brother, uncle, grandfather, son and friend, David H. Kaplan, of blessed memory. I visited, just a few times over the last months. In our own way we said good bye, I knew I was saying good bye when I asked you to do me a favor...you are the first to go, to be with him.... I didn't realize until your funeral the exact time you were saying good bye. We were sitting at your kitchen table across from each other. I believe is was Passover, I brought something to the house for JoAnne or Julie (I can't remember exactly what and it really doesn't matter), you were having some matzoh ball soup. It was so hard for you to eat at that point, not enjoyable for you anymore, but somehow you managed to take a few bites and sips. Talking about much of nothing, at least at the time that is what I thought, you asked me how driving was going with Becca. I told you we weren't even out of parking lots yet, taking it slow mainly because school and other activities were busy as the year was coming to an end. You started telling me about teaching Julie to drive, I asked you if you wanted to take over and teach Becca, both of us knowing it wasn't possible. You were saying your good-bye and asking questions about the things you were going to miss out on after you passed. You knew we were all going to continue to live, some easier than others, but some how we would.

The past few months were hard for Brian, Becca and I, watching and knowing...brought back many memories of 3 years ago. We shed our tears at home with each other, at least until June 23, 2019, the day we laid you to rest, just a few plots away from our beloved, Ian. While we have been to the cemetery many times over the last 3 years to visit Ian or to help others bury a loved one, being at the cemetery that day sucked. 

Burial is the last physical act of kindness that we do for our departed loved ones. We have cared for them in their lifetimes, and now we care for them in their passing by ensuring they have a proper Jewish burial. As part of the Jewish tradition, filling the grave is the most striking part of a Jewish funeral, surely the most painful, and perhaps ultimately the most healing. Just prior to filling the grave, the Rabbi recites:

Al mekomo yavo veshalom (for a man) - May ______ go to his place in peace.

Al mekomah tavo veshalom (for a woman) - May _____ go to her place in peace.

The rabbi then hands one of the principal mourners a trowel or simply gestures for him or her to pick up the shovel placed beside or in a pile of newly dug earth. Children, parents, siblings, and spouse come forward, taking turns dropping a little of the soil onto the coffin. According to one custom, mourners use the back of the shovel at first, to demonstrate reluctance. In some communities, each mourner replace the shovel back in the earth rather than hand it from one person to the next - a practice probably born of the idea that death is somehow contagious. However, others find it comforting to give the spade to the next person, acknowledging the shared nature of the task. After the immediate family has symbolically buried their loved one, other come forward to take a turn with the shovel.... The soul of the departed, watching over their own funeral, derives comfort from the fact that they were laid to eternal rest by those who love them.

As I took the trowel from the pile of earth helping to return Uncle David to the nourising and living earth, I asked him to take care of Ian, to have some drinks with him, perhaps even smoke a little (not cigarettes). Afterall, they both deserved to party some. I believe Ian, as well as my Nana and Poppy (my mom's, Aunt Leslie's and Uncle David's parents) welcomed him with open arms and showed him the ropes. I can only imagine after being shown the ropes, Uncle David went and did his own thing, as he always did.

Ian, lived life big as well. Now Uncle David and Ian are living life big together....in Heaven.

IN MY LIFE

song by The Beatles

There are places I'll remember

All my life, though some have changed

Some forever, not for better

Some have gone, and some remain

All these places have their moments

With lovers and friends, I still can recall

Some are dead, and some are living

In my life, I've loved them all

But of all these friends and lovers

There is no one compares with you

And these memories lose their meaning

When I think of love as something new

Though I know I'll never lose affection

For people and things that went before

I know I'll often stop and think about them

In my life, I'll love you more

Though I know I'll never lose affection

For people and things that went before

I know I'll often stop and think about them

In my life, I'll love you more

In my life I love you more