160 months, 24 days

I sit here on the sofa in a fog. Did it really happen? 5 days ago he passed away and the fog began. I'm numb. We had thought about this time period for so long, prepared. But can you really prepare, maybe mentally, think you can emotionally but not really. My little man is gone. People have been in and out of the house since Thursday morning, part of me has found it helpful, the other part of me has been overwhelmed. Just taking it one step at a time. 

Ian was with us for 160 months and 24 days. Most of the time it was a joy even with everything we had to endure taking care of him. More times than not we were caregivers to Ian more than parents. He knew how to get to us in the best way possible, knew when we needed hugs and to be told he loved us. Yet at the same time he was every much a boy, all boy, coming into his own teenage years. If he knew you well he would throw you under the bus, even when you thought he had your back. He enjoyed all the typical boy stuff, laughed when people burped and farted...isn't that what all boys like. His smile was radiant. The light in his eyes shined bright up until the last few days. His spirit was large. His soul was old, always needing to make sure everyone else was OK and taken care of. The bonds he had with many were incredible, one everyone will hold onto. A piece of my heart is missing and will always be missing. I am a better person for being Ian's mommy. We will eventually learn to live the life he wants us to live.

G-D saw he was getting tired
And a cure was not to be,
So He put His arms
around him
And whispered,
"Come with Me."

With tearful eyes we watched him suffer
And saw him fade away,
Although we loved him dearly
We could not make him stay.

A golden heart stopped beating
Hard working hands to rest,
G-D broke our heart to
prove to us
He only takes the best.