Strength Thru Brian's Eyes

For about the past 8 months, I have taking a kick boxing class to actually get some exercise and most of the time I look forward to going. But just like anything else there are moments when I get home from work and the motivation or energy to go is not there. I really do enjoy the classes because it helps not only to get exercise but at times allows me to work out any frustrations, anger or anything else while punching and kicking a bag for an hour.

Anyway, along the walls there are these sayings to give a person motivation and such. My favorite saying is, 'Strength....comes from your spirit and souls...not from your muscles.'  Now I know this is a motivational saying in a gym but I look at it another way personally.

As Marci, Becca and myself rapidly approach the 2nd anniversary of Ian's passing I constantly look and read this saying numerous times during my kickboxing classes.  The saying gets me to think of what Ian wants for me. The reason he always said over the years that he wasn't ready to go to heaven was because he was worried about us.  Of course we always told him we would be ok eventually and each and every day for the most part we really are.

But to me this saying relates to another thing I always said since his death. Ian wants me to go on and live. He wouldn't want me staying in bed in a deep depression and not wanting to do anything.  That is why I love this saying so much.  Strength I truly believe does come from within; in your spirit and your soul. Without that type of strength then I would be letting my son and my family down. Anyone can be physically strong which takes a lot of effort but to have mental and emotional strength is nothing you can get from exercise and the gym.

Each and every time I read that saying or think about it I know I am doing what Ian wants me to do and that is going on as I continue to move through this long journey of grief and loss. I am continuing to live and love as I know he wants me to. So just as Marci has the phrase Treasure, Dream and Live as her "mantra" I now believe mine is "Strength comes from your spirit and your soul...not from your muscles."  

Another funny thing to end this post with is that I never truly recognized this saying up until a few weeks ago. Just as we approach his 2nd anniversary (Sept 15) and his 2nd yahrtzeit this week (Aug 23).