When Tape and Glue Aren't Enough

When tape and glue aren't enough to fix the broken parts...breath...it's ok...eventually.

How appropriate for me to see this Instagram yesterday. To top it off, it was posted by a fabulous grief therapist. Tonight at sunset, into Thursday, August 23rd, the 12 of Elul at sunset,  is Ian's 2nd Yahrzeit. The Yahrzerit commemorates the anniversary of the date of death and is observed annually, in accordance with the Hebrew calendar. The Yahrzerit commences on the preceding day at sunset and is concluded on the anniversary day of death at sunset. During the Yahrzerit, a candle may be lit to burn for one day. Mourner's Kaddish is recited in the synagogue during services, and contributions to a charity in memory of a loved one are often made on the occasion of a Yahrzerit. 

Tape, glue, well, actually, any kind of adhesive will fix the broken parts. There have been many times over the last two years, heck for that matter, over the last fifteen years, when I have had to take a deep breath. Many times, I have had to remind, Brian, Becca, and even Ian, to take the deep breath, reminding them that we will be ok and get through it.  Over the years, especially the night before he passed, we told Ian, we would be ok, maybe not right away, maybe in a year, a few years, even many years from then, but we would be ok...eventually. I guess, we are starting to be ok. Brian, Becca and I are slowly starting to figure out how to live again. Figuring out what it's like to live life with Ian not physically being with us, as with everything, some days are easier than others. We continue to put one foot in front of the other, sometimes its one step forward and two steps backwards. Most days, I see something, a trigger, which reminds me of him, and now those things can put a smile on my face. Sometimes, they still cause me to cry. 

We each have been grieving in our own way over the past two years. I'd even say we have each been grieving in our own way since April 2010, when we learned Ian would pass away. When Brian and I, first learned this news, we didn't share it with the kids; sometime in 2013 we shared with them that Ian would go to heaven and what that meant. My gut, they both knew long before we said the words to them. The three of us will continue to grieve in our own ways, at different times, but continuing to be the main support for each other, at times without saying a word. As I have told Becca many times, 'I don't know what it's like to lose a sibling or a twin, but I do know what it's like to lose Ian and have that rock my world.' We are each trying to find our way as we realize, 'when tape and glue aren't enough to fix the broken parts...breath...it's ok...eventually'.