Twinless In Ohio - This Week - Twinless In Alabama
Have you ever met a set of twins? Could you imagine only meeting one of them? This is my story, about being a twinless twin. My twinless twin journey began on September 15, 2016 but this journey will last a lifetime. That day will forever be ingrained in my mind.
What follows is some background information for clarification. My twin brother, Ian Alexander Scher, was as my loving, wonderful parents would say "all boy". He had brown hair that matched milk chocolate under the right light. His smile could light up a room. His eyes, those eyes, I find mirror mine so much, yet they didn't mirror mine enough. His eyes revealed that he was an old soul. He showed so much emotion in what I would call boring, muddy, dirt like brown eyes.
Ian had a rare genetic disorder that took him from walking to using a walker and leg braces to being wheelchair bound and 100% dependent on people. He had stopped eating earlier that week. No food at all and when he did eat it was small bits; almost crumb like bites at a time. Ian had also stopped drinking. Granted he didn't drink much at all. He stopped drinking anything -- no soda, no water; no liquid was going into his body unless it was for his medical needs.
So back to September 15, 2016, it was 5:45 am. My annoying school alarm would go off in about fifteen minutes. My mom came in my room to wake me up and she said "Boo (one of my many nicknames among my family members) it's Ian..." She took a deep breath, almost as if she hadn't been breathing; as if she was underwater for a long time and had just come up for air "Daddy and I were awakened by the nurse (who watched my brother so my parents could sleep) about 5 minutes ago. Ian is unresponsive. It's time. We already made all the calls we had to." Without a doubt, I paled. My peach skin took on the color of freshly fallen snow. I probably looked like I had just seen a ghost.
I instantly got out of bed and went into Ian's room. In his room, I saw my twin brother. Half of myself and a person who is dearer to me than any other person would ever be. He was laying there like he was sleeping. Maybe he was or maybe he wasn't. It's hard to know even to this day if he was sleeping. Or had he already joined God in heaven? But there was this person I had never thought I would have to live without on his deathbed or already dead and back with the creator of life himself. At 7:00 am, Ian passed away and calls were made to my heartbroken family.
What follows is some background information for clarification. My twin brother, Ian Alexander Scher, was as my loving, wonderful parents would say "all boy". He had brown hair that matched milk chocolate under the right light. His smile could light up a room. His eyes, those eyes, I find mirror mine so much, yet they didn't mirror mine enough. His eyes revealed that he was an old soul. He showed so much emotion in what I would call boring, muddy, dirt like brown eyes.
Ian had a rare genetic disorder that took him from walking to using a walker and leg braces to being wheelchair bound and 100% dependent on people. He had stopped eating earlier that week. No food at all and when he did eat it was small bits; almost crumb like bites at a time. Ian had also stopped drinking. Granted he didn't drink much at all. He stopped drinking anything -- no soda, no water; no liquid was going into his body unless it was for his medical needs.
So back to September 15, 2016, it was 5:45 am. My annoying school alarm would go off in about fifteen minutes. My mom came in my room to wake me up and she said "Boo (one of my many nicknames among my family members) it's Ian..." She took a deep breath, almost as if she hadn't been breathing; as if she was underwater for a long time and had just come up for air "Daddy and I were awakened by the nurse (who watched my brother so my parents could sleep) about 5 minutes ago. Ian is unresponsive. It's time. We already made all the calls we had to." Without a doubt, I paled. My peach skin took on the color of freshly fallen snow. I probably looked like I had just seen a ghost.
I instantly got out of bed and went into Ian's room. In his room, I saw my twin brother. Half of myself and a person who is dearer to me than any other person would ever be. He was laying there like he was sleeping. Maybe he was or maybe he wasn't. It's hard to know even to this day if he was sleeping. Or had he already joined God in heaven? But there was this person I had never thought I would have to live without on his deathbed or already dead and back with the creator of life himself. At 7:00 am, Ian passed away and calls were made to my heartbroken family.
I personally felt as if my heart was in a million pieces
that could never be put back together no matter how
many years had passed. With this, my life as a twinless twin began. After countless support groups for teens
and children who lost a loved one, in April 2018, my mom
finally found an organization called Twinless Twins
Support Group International. As I attended my first
regional meeting, I was a nervous mess with my heart
pounding and my mind bubbling over with thoughts of
“what if’s”. What if they didn’t like me? What if going to
this was a mistake? But in the end, it was not a mistake
even though I was the youngest person there by about
15-20 years. I had never felt more comfortable in a
support group before. At the meeting it was mentioned
there was a national conference in July 2018 for the
organization and that I could get a scholarship to
attend. Instantly my mind went to the thought of “What
if there were people who were closer to my age there?”
I didn’t give my parents a choice; I was going to Ohio for
the conference!
In July, we packed our bags and drove to meet up with Michael, twin to Howard, another twinless twin. Being 15 I couldn’t drive so I set up camp in the back seat of the car. I had my blanket and pillow (which I always take with me on a long car ride), my headphones to listen to music, my iPad, some books, and more. My day in the car consisted of playing on my iPad, listening to music and reading. The time passed so fast it was like we were cheetahs sprinting through the savannah. Before we knew it, we were in Columbus, Ohio.
The closer we got to the hotel where we were staying the more the “what if’s” came back. My mother had found out I wasn’t going to be the youngest one at the conference (but more about that later). Once we pulled into the hotel everyone got out and we all dragged our tired bodies into the hotel to check in. After getting settled in our room my mom and I went to eat dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We had dinner with other twinless twins also attending the conference.
I noticed I was the youngest person at dinner and thought “Go figure”, but then in walked Lee Ann, twin to Jamie. Her brunette hair, cut just above her shoulders, looked like hot chocolate after I had put the milk in... Her bubbly personality and age made me a bit more comfortable. After the food got there (which took so long because we were such a big party) my mom and I went back to our hotel room to sleep and just decompress after the overwhelming evening I personally thought we had.
The next day we needed something to do before the conference started. Michael was going to be busy so hanging out with him was not an option. Lee Ann said she was planning on going to the zoo. Now that was something I would not pass up! (Being a huge animal enthusiast and plus the zoo where I live in Baltimore is pretty bad). Once at the zoo I got a chance to animal geek out! All the animals were gorgeous! We went to see the elephants for my mom, the big cats for Lee Ann, and the red panda for me. Unfortunately, that cute little panda was not out and about that day. I had to practically be dragged out of the zoo.
Once back at the hotel, Lee Ann, my mom and I all went back to our rooms to get ready for the conference to start by attending the First Time Attendees Gathering and Dessert Reception. Being first timers, Lee Ann, my mom and I got to the reception 15 minutes early. After checking in, Lee Ann went off with some other twins she connected with. I sat at a table with my mom, I was so anxious my heart was pounding, I could barely think straight. “Deep breaths Becca. You all have something in common. You will be fine”. I gave myself some reassurance in my head to calm my hammering heart and the anxiety that made it feel like I couldn’t breathe. That’s when Beth, twin to Mary Fae, walked in. She appeared to be a few years younger than me. “Do you want to go talk to her?” my mom asked.
Did I want to go talk to her? She seemed so overwhelmed, just like me. Beth had blond hair that reminded me of wheat under the spring or summer sun. She reminded me so much of myself in a new place. “No, I want to give it a few minutes. She looks so uncomfortable,” I responded. Then, after about 5 minutes, Beth and her mom came over to our table. A woman with brown eyes and cocoa powder hair came up to us and said, “Hi, I’m Brandi and this is my daughter Beth.” I then heard a soft “Hi, I’m Marci” my mom said, shaking Brandi’s hand. “Becca” was all I said while shaking hands.
After a few minutes of getting dessert and talking, Beth and I decided to go sit in the lobby of the hotel and talk. Beth is a shy girl until she warms up to you, but once she warms up and starts to trust you she becomes a happy, easygoing 12-year-old. After about a half an hour, our moms came out and mentioned that we would see each other tomorrow. It was time for bed. Once we gave a hug to one another, my mom and I went up to our room.
It was official, I liked this. It was nice. There was a homey, warm, welcoming feeling at this conference. It was like the feeling you get when you smell chocolate chip cookies in your house. Or the feeling you get when you bite into that warm cookie and it practically melts in your mouth with the chocolate chips still warm.
Day 2 of the conference consisted of a few breakout sessions, a guest speaker and a time to tell your story. I told my story (here’s a hint you already read it up top). As I told my story, I started crying and once I finished people clapped. I know clapping was the polite thing to do but it still confused me as to why they were clapping. We all had lost our twins, so we are all just as strong as each other. Therefore, they should be applauding themselves if they are applauding me.
In April 2019, I will be attending the Mid-Atlantic spring meeting with my mother and father as my support people. Then comes July, when the three of us will fly out to Huntsville for the 2019 conference. I can’t wait to see Beth; Diana, twin to Kathleen; Phillip, twin to Aaron; Lee Ann; Rachel, twin to Rebecca; and Elliott, twin to Andrew. Hanging out with all of my twinless twin friends is home.
In July, we packed our bags and drove to meet up with Michael, twin to Howard, another twinless twin. Being 15 I couldn’t drive so I set up camp in the back seat of the car. I had my blanket and pillow (which I always take with me on a long car ride), my headphones to listen to music, my iPad, some books, and more. My day in the car consisted of playing on my iPad, listening to music and reading. The time passed so fast it was like we were cheetahs sprinting through the savannah. Before we knew it, we were in Columbus, Ohio.
The closer we got to the hotel where we were staying the more the “what if’s” came back. My mother had found out I wasn’t going to be the youngest one at the conference (but more about that later). Once we pulled into the hotel everyone got out and we all dragged our tired bodies into the hotel to check in. After getting settled in our room my mom and I went to eat dinner at a Mexican restaurant. We had dinner with other twinless twins also attending the conference.
I noticed I was the youngest person at dinner and thought “Go figure”, but then in walked Lee Ann, twin to Jamie. Her brunette hair, cut just above her shoulders, looked like hot chocolate after I had put the milk in... Her bubbly personality and age made me a bit more comfortable. After the food got there (which took so long because we were such a big party) my mom and I went back to our hotel room to sleep and just decompress after the overwhelming evening I personally thought we had.
The next day we needed something to do before the conference started. Michael was going to be busy so hanging out with him was not an option. Lee Ann said she was planning on going to the zoo. Now that was something I would not pass up! (Being a huge animal enthusiast and plus the zoo where I live in Baltimore is pretty bad). Once at the zoo I got a chance to animal geek out! All the animals were gorgeous! We went to see the elephants for my mom, the big cats for Lee Ann, and the red panda for me. Unfortunately, that cute little panda was not out and about that day. I had to practically be dragged out of the zoo.
Once back at the hotel, Lee Ann, my mom and I all went back to our rooms to get ready for the conference to start by attending the First Time Attendees Gathering and Dessert Reception. Being first timers, Lee Ann, my mom and I got to the reception 15 minutes early. After checking in, Lee Ann went off with some other twins she connected with. I sat at a table with my mom, I was so anxious my heart was pounding, I could barely think straight. “Deep breaths Becca. You all have something in common. You will be fine”. I gave myself some reassurance in my head to calm my hammering heart and the anxiety that made it feel like I couldn’t breathe. That’s when Beth, twin to Mary Fae, walked in. She appeared to be a few years younger than me. “Do you want to go talk to her?” my mom asked.
Did I want to go talk to her? She seemed so overwhelmed, just like me. Beth had blond hair that reminded me of wheat under the spring or summer sun. She reminded me so much of myself in a new place. “No, I want to give it a few minutes. She looks so uncomfortable,” I responded. Then, after about 5 minutes, Beth and her mom came over to our table. A woman with brown eyes and cocoa powder hair came up to us and said, “Hi, I’m Brandi and this is my daughter Beth.” I then heard a soft “Hi, I’m Marci” my mom said, shaking Brandi’s hand. “Becca” was all I said while shaking hands.
After a few minutes of getting dessert and talking, Beth and I decided to go sit in the lobby of the hotel and talk. Beth is a shy girl until she warms up to you, but once she warms up and starts to trust you she becomes a happy, easygoing 12-year-old. After about a half an hour, our moms came out and mentioned that we would see each other tomorrow. It was time for bed. Once we gave a hug to one another, my mom and I went up to our room.
It was official, I liked this. It was nice. There was a homey, warm, welcoming feeling at this conference. It was like the feeling you get when you smell chocolate chip cookies in your house. Or the feeling you get when you bite into that warm cookie and it practically melts in your mouth with the chocolate chips still warm.
Day 2 of the conference consisted of a few breakout sessions, a guest speaker and a time to tell your story. I told my story (here’s a hint you already read it up top). As I told my story, I started crying and once I finished people clapped. I know clapping was the polite thing to do but it still confused me as to why they were clapping. We all had lost our twins, so we are all just as strong as each other. Therefore, they should be applauding themselves if they are applauding me.
In April 2019, I will be attending the Mid-Atlantic spring meeting with my mother and father as my support people. Then comes July, when the three of us will fly out to Huntsville for the 2019 conference. I can’t wait to see Beth; Diana, twin to Kathleen; Phillip, twin to Aaron; Lee Ann; Rachel, twin to Rebecca; and Elliott, twin to Andrew. Hanging out with all of my twinless twin friends is home.
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